Cover of The Dark Lord’s Guide to Dating (and Other War Crimes)

Guides to Villainy and Love, Book 1

The Dark Lord’s Guide to Dating (and Other War Crimes)

A conflicted villain and his unstoppable bride form the realm’s most chaotic alliance in this riotously funny dark romantasy perfect for fans of Assistant to the Villain, but darker and spicier.

  • USA Today Bestseller

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“What’s mine stays mine.”

Step One: Kidnap someone cute.

Step Two: Force her into marriage.

Step Three: Don’t catch feelings.

When Dark Lord Kazimir Blackrose kidnaps Lady Arabella for a forced marriage, he expects an obedient, trembling bride. What he gets is a knife to the throat and a furious woman with her own terms. He may need her heroic bloodline to achieve ultimate dominion, but she’s not about to make this easy for him.

Arabella has already survived her father’s tower prison and a lifetime of being treated like property. Being abducted by the realm’s most notorious villain is just another Tuesday. If she must be married to the infuriating (and infuriatingly attractive) Dark Lord, she’ll do it on her terms: freedom within his fortress, hands strictly to himself, and complete honesty about his plans.

But when his plans go awry, Kazimir faces his most terrifying challenge yet. He must actually date his own wife. Between magical training sessions, playing golf with the eyeballs of his enemies, and aphrodisiac dinners gone spectacularly wrong, his villainous seduction plans are failing at every turn.

As they navigate magical explosions and jealous exes, they discover a far more terrifying prospect than war or magical catastrophe:

They might actually be falling for each other.

This dark and sexy fantasy romance is perfect for readers who love: a morally gray antihero (who stays that way); a strong heroine who embraces her dark side (she doesn’t need rescuing, thanks); the touch her and die trope; hilarious, wicked banter and sizzling spice; one bed/forced proximity; kidnapped bride/forced marriage; and dark humor.

Content warnings — click to expand
  • Kidnapping (she was not asked)
  • Forced marriage (barely asked)
  • Parental abuse and gaslighting, including a mother who carves runes into her child's bones and a father so awful the Dark Lord looks like the healthy option
  • Blood, gore, and decapitations as a flirting technique
  • Casual mentions of torture
  • Murder (casual, frequent, occasionally to let off steam)
  • Poisoning (it's character building)
  • Animal harm: one bird (gently) sacrificed to science, one mouse threatened for instructional purposes, one fox familiar eaten by a dragon (Off page. We're not monsters all the time.).
  • Explicit sex, both private and aggressively public (the court is sexually liberated)
  • Dubious consent themes (magical): an aphrodisiac that backfires humorously, and looming compulsion threats
  • Body horror: See: Parental abuse, above, plus one large skeleton friend made of many small skeleton donors
  • Golf, but with enemy eyeballs

Tropes

  • banter
  • dark romcom
  • forced proximity
  • marriage of (in)convenience
  • morally grey hero
  • one bed
  • romantasy
  • touch her and die
  • villain romance

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